ABC of sleep

It is not a coincidence that us new mothers talk about sleep as much as we do. It is one of our body’s most important needs, along with food and physical contact. Everyone needs sleep, even babies and children. But they don’t always know that this is supposed to be at night… To make this ABC of sleep, we have collected a lot of information about sleep and come up with a few tips for a better night’s rest.

A LITTLE PEACE AND QUIET
After a day of new impressions, it is important for everyone to take time to calm down; a feeling of calm should descend upon the family. Babies need help with switching off. Sure, you can live it up occasionally, of course, but babies and children usually appreciate routines and patterns.
BREAST-FEEDING
Few things are as associated with each other as breast-feeding and sleep are for the little baby. That’s right. Food and sleep. Eating yourself to sleep seems to be the best thing ever, so it must be really nice. When your baby has just been born, it’s vital that they suckle on the breast day and night – it’s the only way they can get the ‘production’ of breast milk going. It’s instinct. (Then there are the ‘increase periods’. This is when the baby eats more, even at night, to increase the amount of milk.) With time, the need for night feeds starts to subside, and after 6 months it’s usually not necessary at all. This is when the need can become a habit, which is fine – if you have the energy. Otherwise, see Undoing bad habits.Showing the difference between food and sleep at an early age can be a good idea. Practice sleep without food. Let the baby finish eating and lay it down in the bed before it goes to sleep. Hang up a mobile or something fun to look at. Sing a lullaby. You’ll be glad you did.
CHAOS IN SLEEPLAND
There are many reasons why children wake up time after time. One is illness, for example a bunged-up nose or sore ears. Another is the child’s development or changes, such as teething or starting kindergarten. And so on. When the baby wakes up for, like, the fifth time, you quite honestly feel like you’re going mad. It can therefore be a relief to think, “it’ll pass". Teenagers, they say, sleep all the time. It may be a feeble comfort, but in the long run: children develop, they get older, they have all their teeth in place, and they eat ‘normal’ food during the day. It’s just a phase. It passes. And it does. Sometimes it is much simpler if you don’t even expect undisturbed nightly sleep.
DIFFERENCES
Children have different personalities, even when it comes to sleep. They sleep for different lengths of time and have different needs. One child can handle a dose of Heavy Metal before bedtime; another can’t even have a lullaby – because it disturbs them. Stop comparing them to each other. Listen to your child and your intuition. But don’t forget to listen to yourself too. Because your needs, for example when it comes to sleep, are also important.
ENERGY
Follow the baby’s rhythm; this is not just important at the very beginning: sleep and rest when the opportunity arises. Forget all the ‘must dos’, there is no such thing. Don’t forget to eat properly. Looking after your energy is particularly important if your nightly sleep remains thin on the ground week after week.
FIVE-MINUTE METHOD
The five-minute method is also called the scream method by its critics. It was introduced by the Swedish paediatrician Bernt Eckerberg. Basically, it is about the child learning to sleep on its own, without any help from mummy, daddy, gruel, or breast. Read more at www.eckerberg.se.
GURGLING AND GROANING
Children often make noises when they are sleeping lightly, but this doesn’t necessarily mean that they are awake. Wait before you pick up the baby. Maybe the little one will fall asleep again all by him/herself. Also, remember that the sleep cycle of small children is much, much shorter than ours. This means that they are in a very light sleep three times as often as we are.
HABITS
You can actually change habits that have become bad habits, but it is not something your baby is going to like very much. And that is understandable. Phasing-out is usually the way to go. And do this together with your partner. If it’s about reducing breast-feeding, let the daddy take care of it – at least he doesn’t smell of breast milk. You should never try to implement changes when the children are sick or in the middle of a development stage with separation anxiety. Take advice and help from your children’s clinic if you are thinking about changing habits.
INSTINCT
“There is no right or wrong – just common sense and your instinct when it comes to a child’s needs,” says paediatrician Lars H Gustafsson. His method means that the mummy and daddy adapt themselves to the child as much as possible. The parents should carry and comfort as far as possible. To keep going on a limited amount of sleep, you have to reduce the tempo and sleep when the opportunity arises.
JUST USE YOUR VOICE
Let your voice and your body guide your baby: “This is what we’re doing now”, for example sleeping. Be clear, it’s comforting and a big help for the baby.
KICKING KIDDIE KEEPING YOU AWAKE?
Lots of pregnant women think: “I had better get plenty of sleep now, before the baby comes.” And to their frustration, they sleep worse than ever. They wake up needing the toilet, or they are uncomfortable, or it hurts, or they quite simply cannot sleep. It is the body getting ready to take care of a new little person. Even while you are pregnant, it’s good to be prepared for less sleep. That way it will be easier to accept and like the situation if it turns out that way.
LIGHTS OUT
Newborn babies are not afraid of the dark. Everyone sleeps best in the dark, in other words without distractions. Make it part of the bedtime routine, turning out all the lights and saying goodnight.
MUMMY AND DADDY TAKE TURNS
If there are two of you, you should always help each other out. Even during the night. Neither of you has “time off”. Taking care of a baby is also a job, and to be a good parent, you need to be rested. Taking turns so that you both get to sleep undisturbed two or three nights a week is a fairly wise distribution when the baby no longer breast-feeds at night. It is easy to start arguing at night when you are both tired and frustrated that the baby isn’t sleeping. But try to avoid discussing then. Always talk during the day, particularly if you have decided to make a change.

NIGHTLIFE
Show the difference between night and day from the very start. During the day, let the baby sleep in daylight. But at night, it should be dark, calm, and boring. Don’t talk too much. Don’t cuddle the baby. Let nighttime feeding take the time needed. Do not change the baby’s nappy if there is nothing more in it than pee. During the night, being awake with mummy or daddy shouldn’t be pleasant.
OH! WONDERFUL CHILDREN
It’s a good job that they are so amazingly fantastic, when sometimes you are so tired and weary from the nightlife.
PROTESTS
If the baby doesn’t want to sleep, and is really angry, i.e. screaming, you can feel the baby’s screams throughout your entire body. Baby screams do that and that’s the point. Sometimes it helps if you try to think that sleeping isn’t a punishment when the baby is so tired. Your job as a parent is to try and help the child to find peace. You should never walk away from a crying child. You should be nearby, and always right next to the baby if it is very upset, as a comfort. Use your voice to give comfort and calm. “It’s night time now, now we’re going to sleep” is a mantra that is whispered on so many nights around the country. Caress their back or lift them up if necessary.
QUILT & TEDDY
From about the age of four months, babies can attach themselves to comfort teddies or comfort blankets. These act as a temporary ‘replacement’ for the parents. If you’re visiting friends, bring pyjamas, a blanket, or a quilt, maybe even the baby carriage so that the baby feels at home. Their sleep will be calmer and the party more fun.
ROUTINES
The time just after your baby is born is not designed for routine. This is the time when you and your baby are getting to know each other. And the baby is getting used to life outside your tummy (which is basically: you must ask for food and there is such a thing as day and night – really weird!!). At the very beginning it could seem a little unnecessary messing around with pyjamas. But it makes a difference if you show early on that there is a difference between sleeping during the day and sleeping at night. See also Nightlife. When the baby starts getting bigger, it likes to know what is going on. This is when you can make the evening routines more extensive. Putting on pyjamas, brushing small teeth, reading a book, drawing the curtains, turning out the light, singing a lullaby, and saying goodnight – every night. These are all signals that it’s time to sleep for the night.
SLEEP
Newborn Newborns need approximately 16–19 hours sleep. Sleep often in shifts of 2-4 hours. To begin with there is no difference between night and day. At the moment sleep is associated with food: the baby is hungry, wakes up, eats, and falls asleep. The association subsides when they are awake for longer periods. 3-4 months Now the child is starting to get a certain amount of rhythm in their sleeping and being awake, and now sleeps 13-15 hours a day. Now you can start to introduce some sleeping habits (see Routines). 6-8 months The child sleeps (hopefully) for longer and longer periods at night, between 10 and 12 hours is not unusual. Plus two sleep shifts during the day. At around 8 months, a lot happens in the child’s development, which can affect sleep. 10-12 months Sleeps 14 hours a day, closer to 12 of them at night plus two sleep shifts during the day. 16-18 months The child needs 13-14 hours a day and often goes over to one sleep shift during the day.
THRESHOLD
Rolling the pram over the threshold is a well-tested trick. Sometimes the main thing is getting the baby to sleep, not HOW, so try it! Note: not all children love their pram …
UNDOING BAD HABITS
With time, needs can become well-learned habits, for example always being rocked or fed to sleep. Also, children react to change. If the baby fell asleep at the breast, and then wakes up and the breast is no longer there (it may have gone to bed), then the baby will protest and want the breast again. But habits aren’t bad habits if you think this is ok and you have the energy. Then it is just a habit, and quite cosy. But you could ask yourself if you are going to have the energy to get up and rock the cradle, or mix the gruel at 2.30 am for the next few years, or even for another week. If the answer is no, see ‘Just change habits’.
VERY TIRED
You are not alone. Being really tired breaks down your self-esteem and everything feels hopeless. This affects your relationship. It is also much harder to change something when you haven’t got the energy. If you feel this way, you should ring your children’s clinic. Now.
WAHLGREN
Anna Wahlgren, author of Barnaboken (the Child book), has her own sleep method, based upon baby cries being a security issue for parents. She recommends nudging their bottom (children under six months need a breathing alarm if they are to sleep on their stomach) and a ditty to get the child to feel secure and fall asleep again on their own.
XTRA ENERGY
A nap, or a powernap, is very effective. Ask someone to go out for a walk with the baby in the pram so that you can have some time to sleep or at least close your eyes and rest. Sometimes you are so tired that you can’t even sleep; don’t hesitate to ask for help from someone close.
YOUR BED OR THEIR CRADLE?
Always talk about the sleeping area and that sleeping is something nice and cosy. And lay the child to rest every evening in the same bed or cradle. Children sleep best when they feel at home. Small babies like it cramped and snug in bed, just like it was in your tummy. Use blankets and pillows. Own room? Some children’s sleep is disturbed by their parents, and vice versa. So here you should be attentive for both your sakes.
ZLEEPING TOGETHER
It is a natural thing to sleep together; it means a lot of body contact, which is important for children. Many believe that it is handy, and a blessing for a good night’s sleep, to have the baby beside you and to hardly have to wake up to breast-feed. Or to reach out and caress the baby so that it feels the closeness. Sleeping together can be medicine for restless nights. It can be cramped, but many families resolve this by buying a wider bed or placing another bed in the bedroom.